… from Heidi’s hand …


written by Heidi L. Paulec – Shadows Presence founder

Remembering our first year here in Shadows Presence… we began sharing our story, and you began sharing yours, too.

On January 18, 2016… after I inputted some previous writings into blog format, shared it with extended family… and intended to make public that night… I paused … again.  I wondered if all my hurt and questions and subsequent interviews and litany of inklings would matter a moment to anyone other than family and the few remaining friends who knew Jamie.

In the pause, the resounding fears … particularly of further rejection…physically, shaking.   I nearly opted out of the making public.

In fact, I told my immediate family I’d decided to put it off one more night.

However… My cousin actually shared the first post publically that very night.  When I woke up the next morning and over the next two weeks, over a 1,000 of you stopped in to read and share.

Honestly, for years I’ve prayed and hoped this whole thing would be a real team effort.  All the investigating, the writing, the grieving in the shadows  came … naturally… easily as this sort of thing can be easy… but, the laying it out before the great unknown… The Lord knew I needed someone to help send that first blog out beyond the confines & comforts of the family.  Grateful for him sharing this first post in the moments of my frenzied fears.

Throughout this first year, my greatest surprise has been the response of our readers.  First, can you believe a blog on a family’s loss, subsequent grief, and the Almighty Shadow’s Wing … a Gathering… where Light, Refuge, and Living Hope resound beyond the pithy picks of death’s shadow… {the blog} travelled into 50 countries this first year.  Thank you, dear readers, for stopping in, lingering, and sharing.

Now that we’ve more than 50 posts on this blog, we’re receiving inquiries of previous blog pages and posts not as easily found simply scrolling through.  We  set up the Perspectives table of contents page which includes first person thoughts from four generations of family members remembering Jamie and the long difficulty of his loss… and how Hope perseveres & prevails.

So, here… we’ve set up “… from Heidi’s hand …” to help you more easily find my personal ponderings shared in a less-than-orderly manner reflective of the ups and downs… the days full of color followed by days full of gray throughout the journey of grief in particular, but life’s journey as well.

Our Introduction to Shadows Presence

He Stopped Laughing

Soul’s Solace?

Defining Time


Sharing Shadows (part 1)

Sharing Shadows (part 2)

Sharing Shadows (part 3)


ant hills, mud pies & rainy drives (part 1)

ant hills, mud pies, & rainy drives (part 2)

ant hills, mud pies, and rainy drives (part 3)

ant hills, mud pies, & rainy drives (part 4)


Candles, Cakes, & Crossed Arms

Remembering – a reading  (VIDEO Link:  Heidi reads “Candles, Cakes, & Crossed Arms.”)

By Hand (including a hand-written note of Jamie’s)


“… light inaccessible …” (part 1)

“… light inaccessible …” (part 2)

“… light inaccessible …” (part 3)



Dialogue: Breaking Silence  (VIDEO Link:  Heidi  & husband Alex (discuss “Perspectives.”)

September … Silence, Light & Hope (part 1)

September… Silence, Light & Hope (part 2)

September… Silence, Light & Hope (part 3)


Navigating Seasonal Signals

…and the moments in between…


… always holding somebody up … (part 1)

… always holding somebody up … (part 2)

… always holding somebody up … (part 3)

… always holding somebody up … (part 4)

… always holding somebody up … (part 5)


…and the moments in between…


Again, we thank you for joining us this past year.  Despite the growing statistics, we had no idea how personally engaging this would be for so many of you.  Your correspondence has made this whole process… a beautiful unfolding grace.

“To God Be the Glory – Great things He has done.”  

If our blog has been a source of hope  or encouragement to you, would you please consider commemorating this year with us by sharing one of your favorite Perspectives or other Shadows Presence writings this week?

What’s next for Shadows Presence?

Thank you for joining us here… from January 18, 2016- January 18, 2017.

Our unfolding vision includes future writings here, in print, as well as future face-to-face opportunities.  We ask for your continued prayers and welcome your stories and feedback in the upcoming year.

We’d love to keep you informed as to what is coming next… So, be sure to sign up for our email reminders. Share our blog with family and dear friends wading through grief.   Join us on Shadows Presence facebook page.