Growing up in Wyoming meant many long drives across the Great Plains to attend sporting events or even pick up groceries. From time to time, I rode alone with my Dad in his pick-up with the windows down. His observant eye spotted everything- from a pronghorn herd hidden in a grain field to rain streaking the sky hinting storms moving in… I think he taught me to see… really see God’s creation with childlike wonder.
For quite some time, I suggested my childhood died instantaneously when Jamie did. However, slowly, my senses softened and my lungs expanded again. The gripping tension in my chest weakened. And the darken vision of what this “after” life would be… unfolded albeit slowly, mysteriously.
In the dead of winter, we recognize the dormant season. Willows, once cloaking forts, stand naked and exposed. Snow shrouds the growth underneath. Yet, when the cherry blossoms in the spring, when the tulips and daffodils unfurl, when the dawn’s rays rise and the birds sing, do we hide our heart’s recognition of new life?
Little by little, my heart, soul, and mind gained strength reaching deeper than the grief. Out of the well, fresh awakening and delight saturate my soul. Withholding gratefulness is an option, but an option that’s sucks life out of us. Thanksgiving directed toward the “Immortal, Invisible God Only Wise” helps us see and breathe- breath by breath.
In the vivid wonder of eternity’s embrace, do I hide and hoard this fresh nourishment? Am I not utterly compelled to share? Who really cares?
Honestly, both response have been mine over the years since Jamie’s death. The hiding and hoarding are the yielded responses to fears… especially of vulnerability most people stutteringly steer to avoid. Discerning when to shine solely from the soul and when to speak continues to be a delicate dance.
Struggles taunt me still, but daily His Word and His Creation revive and refresh the wonder of Who He is and who I am in Light of Him. He chooses to use seeing people among us to encourage and lighten our loads. Let’s remember to thank Him and thank them… even if the words don’t come for decades.
And He chooses to use us, too. Sometimes, we see…and choose to look the other way. When we hear whispers to reach out, no matter how simple, let’s heed and act. We never know exactly how He chooses to illuminate Light and breathe Life again through our simple acts of obedience… including sharing our keen eyes of His Hand among us.
“Artist and saint alike grope in awe to comprehend the incomprehensible disproportion of the glory of God and the humility of the Incarnation: the Master of the Universe, become of the earth, earthy, in order to be one with his creatures so that we may be one with him.”
– Madeline L’Engle Walking on Water pg. 154
While our earthly breath is temporary and often labored, the Breath of Life breeches shadows and breathes the delights of eternity into dry bones… and grieving girls.
3 thoughts on ““… light inaccessible …” (part 3)”
Powerfully written yet again. The pain and hurt are palpable and the healing slow and inexorable.
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Thank you, Wally.
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