Personal Letter… Processing Us

Week 1 Thank you. 1.26.2016.jpg

Just a few more thoughts~

As noted in the “About” page of our blog, the initial purpose is to release over two decades worth of reflections from our family’s loss … remembering Jamie.  Our lives forever changed… even fractured in ways.  Yet, we’ve also learned to live again.  And our deep desire is to share Life & Hope with you.

I’m deeply grateful to each family member (Perspectives) who has relived so much in the past week.  Pains we live with daily… (some days stir more of melancholy and angst than others)… and quietly.  But when we see photos and his handwriting circulating the internet (something not ever part of his life since he’s been gone so long now)… we feel exposed, vulnerable, and ~honestly, a little fragile again.

Personally, as a writer, I also struggle with the balance of wanting each of you know and appreciate Jamie for who he was in life and not just associate his name with death and suicide.  I struggle knowing this is unearthing so much  among us.  Reopening wounds or sitting sourly among them is not my ambition by any stretch.  We’re on a journey here.  Just know, I’m trying my best.

Although I wasn’t entirely sure with whom this would connect, we’re deeply grateful to know our pain obvious was not in vain.  Also, I can say the military families response as well as mourners of other forms of death stunned me.  All are welcome, indeed… I just envisioned a more microscopic niche.  Absolutely, all welcome.

Living after loss… Defining Times, indeed.  Finding the words to loosely, but closely define our own feelings while also cultivating deeper connections with other through the dark and heavy times… we find our hearts & minds grow deeper… and our capacity to connect?  Deeper, too.  Often times… this is where & why we’d prefer a run & hide approach.

We’ve gathered ourselves to share… maybe one of our voices may just give rise to yours, too.

However loud my insecurities, your brave responses are resounding still.  Countless behind the scenes notes and interactions are flowing in along with a few bold public comments and social media sharing.  You are truly blessing me, our family, and one another in this.   Hope Lives.

And when your fears subside, and shadows still remain…

Nothing lasts forever… even cold November Rain…”

Axl Rose 1991

Thank you for joining us along this tough & tender journey.

Living Hope,

Heidi – Shadows Presence founder